Childfree by Choice

A new Facebook friend posted a link to a post today that kind of hit a nerve with me. Before you read on, I'm not attacking anyone who has made the choice to bring a child into their lives. I actually applaud you for doing so and being awesome (most of you lol) at it. I think stay at home moms have a super hard job and working moms too. Dads who are there for their kids have it rough as well. Some parents would rather chill in bars or spend the weekends with their kids shoved off on one relative after another and never really get a chance to know their kids. Those folks don't get my respect and admiration. Those folks are partly why I feel the way I do about having kids. After I read that lady's post about why she is childfree, I wrote a comment to respond to her and thought about my motivations for the first time in a really honest way. I agree with most of what she said as well: love my life + TEACHER.

Here is the comment I posted in response to her comment:


I salute you for putting this out into the world. What bravery and courage! I imagine some of the 146 comments above me might be questioning your choice or saying rude things, but I hope not and honestly don't have enough life force in me on a Monday to read them and get mad for you.

What I do have in me today is to say that I too question the decision to have children. I'm knocking on 30's door, and that was always the limit I wanted to have kids in, if I wanted to have kids. I've been with my partner for almost 9 years now, and we aren't married. We are kind of failures in the marriage dept. in our families. My parents split, his parents too. As well as BOTH sets of his grandparents. We also feel icky that not everyone who wants to get hitched can do so, and we feel like it's unfair for us to go into that state without being sure we actually want to keep the "sanctity" of our marriage vows when others would die for that right.

However, we both stand on shifting sands about kids. He is the last of his line. If he doesn't have a boy, the family dies with him. We're also from the South. Imagine the pressure to get married and produce an heir (and there's not even any money or title or land to pass down- just the stinkin' name!).

We both have unsteady jobs (teacher at a state school- budget cuts! and a contract employee with county governments- budget cuts!). Kids cost a ton of cash.

My mother and I have a fractured relationship and are not really on speaking terms right now. I am not sure I can be a mother right now.

I also look around at the horrible things that keep happening and the crazy laws that everyone wants to pass to limit the rights of others- how could I bring a child into this mess?

And there's the idea of growing an actual living thing inside my own body- a body that I don't actually take awesome care of right now. This body is no place for a tiny thing to be growing.

So I wind up with the same answer to my own math problem: childfree.

I totally agree that there is something in our culture that marks us as less than if we don't hit those milestones of adulthood.

I haven't bought a house and don't plan to unless I can afford to build it. I haven't gotten married for reasons explained. I don't know that we'll ever have kids.

So am I still an adult?

Even more, am I still a woman? I am overweight and short, so I just keep falling just shy of the mark of womanhood that is fed to me by culture makers and the media. When a friend talked about the fear of breast cancer, she focused on the fear of losing what makes her a woman in her eyes: her breasts. I couldn't really understand that position because I have never seen my body or any part of my body as what makes me a woman really. Yes, I have those physical markers, but I am a woman because of other reasons as well. So the loss of my breasts or my lack of reproduction doesn't really hit me as a loss of womanhood or feel like a reason for being cast out of the womanly clubhouse.

I feel real sorrow for those who want nothing more than to be parents and are denied either biologically or through adoption laws/costs from having them.

One day, I might feel the urge for a child. One day I might feel like the world has moved on and become a place where a child might be a safe addition to my little family. One day, I might be older than 32 (the absolute last age I would feel comfortable having a baby due to the increased risks of birth defects) and feel that maternal instinct rise up in me.

Ok. Rock on. We'll do something on that day about it.

There are faaaaar more children alive on this planet today and every day until the day I want a baby that aren't wanted, loved, or cared for. My little brother is 9 years younger than I am, and he was a total accidental baby. My parents didn't mean to have another kid. They didn't even really want another kid, and they surely weren't prepared to raise him. His life has been greatly diminished by that lack of desire my parents had to bring him into this world. They didn't have time for a baby by the time he got here. They didn't have time for a toddler, a tween, or a teen. He's been bounced around from parent to parent, house to house, city to city, and school to school- always in trouble because nobody had time to look out for him. I was away at school and looked after him as best I could, but that wasn't my responsibility. I didn't bring him into the world. He also didn't get the benefit of a great family support network like I did because our grandparents were in decline and dying by the time he could understand who/what they were.

I couldn't stand to do that to a kid. It's unspeakable.

On the day I want a child, I will look into bringing one of those children into my life to make his or hers better. I want to have something to offer a child other than air to breathe and the possibility of a good life. I want to be a whole person who can afford to give freely of myself, my time, and my money to make that kid's life so much better than mine ever was. Most parents spend less time with their kids than strangers do-teachers, daycare workers, nannies, baby sitters. I want to have time to enjoy my child and give my child every possible advantage and experience he or she wants/deserves/needs.

For those reasons, I don't feel selfish for my desire not to bring a child into the world. I feel like a rational person making the best decision for myself and any future kids I might want to have.

So, bravo sister. I'm proud that you are brave and courageous and am inspired to explain my position as well.

And also, sorry for the GIANT comment. Obviously, your post hit a nerve. :D

SAFF

The stars aligned in October, and I was able to hitch a ride with a friend to SAFF in Asheville, NC.

I was sadly restrained in my purchases. I wanted to BUY IT ALL! ALL THE THINGS!

Here is what I did buy:

I got a braid of beautiful fiber from KnittyAndColor.

I also got 2 skeins of yarn from kitchen sink dyeworks (sadly going out of business).

a bag of fluff from Moonwood farms

a felting kit for a pumpkin

some natural wool, some acerbitas merino, some yak/merino fibers from LunaBudKnits

2 skeins of sock yarn from UrbanGypZ

some patterns

a SAFF tote bag

some bunny fluff

a sheepy pin and a lamb button

I had a great time. I'd love to go back. My friend phobbs to me to the Biltmore, and we ate at Cedric's Tavern. Have the fish and chips. And the chenin blanc limited release. NOM

The leaves were fantastic. We don't have many around us here. They won the leaf lotto in Asheville. :D

I miss the 90s

The 90s seemed to be a Wonka-lika wonderland filled with hope, goodness, and prosperity for most folks I knew. I was a kid with zero responsibilities or bills, but I remember the 90s being a time of plenty for the folks around me. The innernet was new and bubbly. (Thanks for that btw Mr. Gore!)

Even the early 2000s shaped back up after 2001 and were ok. I was in college with scholarship money to burn. I had hope. I had a FUTURE! I was going to change the world.

Yeah, 6 years down the road, and I find myself fresh out of all of those things: scholarship money, hope, the desire to change the world.

Now I'm jaded. I'm cynical to the point of being a severe pessimist. I didn't change the world. My degree didn't help me get a good paying job. The future just looks like more bills, more work, and even less money day after day.

At work, things are terrible. Our lab just had to cut hours by 50%. Yeah. Hearing that was GREAT!

So that explains my negative nelly attitude in this post. But in general, I'm really tired of the economy, unemployment, elected officials, protests, paying bills, being responsible, be a grown-up. It would seem that I'm primed for a job in our government. Badaboom-ching!

Anway. I just miss when things were bright and wonderful. Where's that blue bird that once sang to me from my shoulder? It feels like the glass isn't half empty or half full; it seems like the glass is shattered on the floor. Today, I feel every inch a member of my jaded generation.

At least knitting still holds true. I can always trust my needles to see me through. If I move them in the same way, time and again- if I work really hard, I'll come out with something useful, functional, and possibly beautiful. Knitting is the only place in my life that I feel that way any more. I once thought that if I worked hard enough that it would make me happy. That I would feel like my actions meant something. I've learned time and again this year that it isn't true. It doesn't matter how hard you work when education is last on everyone's balance sheets.

So here's to making your own happy. To finding that silver lining even if you have to scrape through 10 layers of crap to get to it. In this month of gratitude and thankfulness, I am still happy that I am mostly employed. But I can be bitter and thankful all at the same time, right?

I'll pack up my pity party now and head on back to knitting. I just felt the need to vent that out there. It lightens the load on my shoulders. Feels like the whole world is up there these days. :D

And thanks for the love about my successes at the fair. It means a lot. :)

Winning

In the spirit of Charlie Sheen, I titled this blog post "winning" based on my performance at the Ga. National Fair.

That's right kids, I cleaned up at the fair. My mama taught me to be humble and not to brag, but I can't help it. I'm so proud of these accomplishments I could burst.
I went back to my post (on a limb) and copied the content below.

1 skein of handspun, beaded supercoils- first place

1 handspun crochet scarf - Queen Anne's Lace Scarf - first place

plain roll brim- 3rd place (the first place winner had a beautifully spun.knit snood that was lace. SOO honored to be 3rd after that work. (the hat is pictured above on that foam head)

1 felted singles shawl - Citron -third place

1 handspun shawl- The Age of Brass and Steam - honorable mention (the first place ribbon went to a beautiful lace pi shawl)

3 handspun hats -Fairy Lights didn't place

button tab hat- honorable mention.

I have 1 crochet monster (the one with 3 eyes from an earlier post) - first place with an award of excellence

1 knit shawl - first place with an award of excellence

1 cabled hat second place
1 knit monster (Maddox the monster by Danger Crafts)- first place and an award of excellence.


So for my first year, I think I made out like a bandit! Only 1 thing, ironically the 1 thing MADE for the fair, didn't place or get a ribbon of any kind. I nearly tore boyfriend's arm off as we walked around the convention hall looking for my spoils. When I found more than 1 blue ribbon on my stuff, you could have knocked me over with a feather.

And yes, I'm already plotting for next year.

Netflix and Dump Trucks

So I use this blog as a dumping ground for rants quite frequently in between the posts about my crafting. Today is another such day. Feel free to skip it. I understand.


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Dear Netflix,
I was 1 of your 25 million customers who didn't actually care that you decided to raise prices a big 60%. I don't have cable television, so I use your streaming and DVD delivery in the place of that expense. I thought it was still a better deal than a hundred dollar cable bill. I was diehard and sticking by your side.

Notice the past tense verbs? I'm an English teacher, so I used them on purpose. It wasn't a slip in verb tense.

No, it was purposeful because you have stepped in it with me this time. Splitting up the services so that I now have to have 2 bills to pay instead of 1, 2 log ins to remember instead of 1, and 2 new, unconnected websites to learn to navigate instead of one. Thanks. I really did think the all in one method was way too streamlined and modern. It was way too user-friendly. You are right. What the world needs now is 2 totally unconnected sites to order DVDs and streaming from. You are so ahead of the game there splitting things up and making them 100% separate. Yeah.
Wait.
Um.
No.
That is stupid. In a world where my phone can do anything my computer can do and my life insurance can be bundled with my house and car insurance, what the hell makes you think that splitting things up is a good idea? HELLO? Have you seen the Progressive "bundler" commercials? That is the future kids. Not the 1 site=1 purpose deal. Even clothing sites are now "bundled" so that you can shop all of the brands owned by a company by clicking tabs in the website. What's wrong with your management/planning team?

I know, I get that mail is expensive. I get that DVDs cost money to buy, keep in good condition, store, and redistribute. I get that. That's why I wasn't mad about you jacking my price up so high. I understand that you gotta feed your multimillion dollar bank accounts. I'm ok with you making money off of me by providing me with a service. I get that's what I'm paying you for. But I also expect I'm paying for leadership in a company I once respected and liked. I don't see that happening right now.

What I see happening is a company growing too big for it's britches to put it Southern-ly. You managed to become the "600 ton gorilla" that Wal-mart is and you shut down Movie Gallery and have Blockbuster on the ropes. You revolutionized how I get my movie content. You made my life simpler, easier, more entertained. Yes, you won the "badass idea/concept" of the year again and again. Americans welcomed you into their homes and their pockets happily. Until this year.

This year, you seem to have lost your damn mind. First, you wanted to jack rates up. How's that working out for you? Now, you're trying to push the market in the way you want it to move. You are probably right, Netflix guys. DVDs are probably going the way of the dodo and vinyl records. But you forgot that your market if full of red-blooded Americans. We don't do what we're told to do. In fact, when you tell us to do something, we often rear up against that and do the thing you tell us not to do. It's how we roll. It's part of the American DNA strand. Telling us that DVDs are the way of the past and that we should let it go (by making us have to go to another place to get them) isn't going to go over much better than your crazy price hike.

In fact, I'm one of those red-blooded Americans who is now pissed off and thinking of dropping you. I stuck by you through the price increase because I valued your product, but now you've gone and ruined that product for me. I know what your little move of splitting the company up is all about. You are either going to sell off the DVD side or just kill it quietly when you think I'm busy watching Mad Men on your streaming site. You see, Netflix doodes, you've broken the thing that kept you in business: consumer confidence in your product/business. I no longer trust you with my money. You're liable to use that money to do something else stupid that affects me as a consumer.

Since I can't trust you any more, I feel like our relationship is going to end soon. I may keep my account with your Qwikster branch, but I'll probably give Hulu.com my money for streaming. Or Amazon. Or someone else who hasn't gotten too big for their britches yet.

I hope this gives you something to think about while you ride that elevator to the ground floor of stupid and stock prices.

No love.
Me


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I'm also very tired of dump trucks in my city. We're growing (thankfully) and roads are being fixed and developments are going up to house people we think are moving to our city. With all of this going on, my city is crawling with dump trucks. I hate them all. 1-the drivers are all jerks who drive as though they are in a tank in some foreign country where other people on the road don't matter. 2-the trucks spit gravel etc. from themselves and kick it up off the road and at my car. I'm tired of the sound of gravel pinging off my 2 year old car. Yes, I keep about 3 school buses back, but they like to cut you off in traffic on the highway, turn in front of you, etc. etc. I'll be so happy when all this construction is over and the volume of dump trucks on the roads goes back to something more normal. I saw 12 on my 10 minute ride to work this am.

On a Limb

This year, I decided to finally do something I've been saying I'd get around to for years: enter the Perry Fair. I went through all the forms/booklets and did my research and made plans. I got things all together and knit up a few new items. I flipped through my handspun and pulled out an art piece.

And then I freaked out the night before everything was due to be turned in at the fairgrounds.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm a fairly confident person. I usually do things very well (and boy is she humble!). Something about this unnerved me though. I felt unprepared and ill informed.

I sucked it up and put on my big girl panties, and on last Friday, I took the trip to Perry with my mama (for moral support) and turned it all in.

So far, I've entered 7 items.
1 skein of handspun, beaded supercoils
1 handspun crochet scarf - Queen Anne's Lace Scarf
1 felted singles shawl - Citron
1 handspun shawl- The Age of Brass and Steam
3 handspun hats -Fairy Lights, plain roll brim, button tab hat
This is fairy lights.


Those were all for the spinning/weaving competition. I hope I place at least 1 item. I'm really hanging my hopes on that crazy handspun art yarn of mine. I'll probably pout if it doesn't get some nod. :P

This next weekend will see me back at Perry for the last turn in of items. These will be made from commercial yarns. I have 1 crochet monster (the one with 3 eyes from an earlier post), 1 knit shawl, 1 cabled hat, and that might be the extent of it. I'd like to enter more stuff, but I don't want to put too much out there and wind up falling on my face with ALL of them. :P


Look for me in October with a notebook and a critical eye at the fairgrounds checking out what placed in my classes/divisions. I entered at novice/apprentice in all of them since it was my first year ever.

Anyone else got fair fever?

Spotty at best

I know. I know. I'm the world's WORST blogger. I could never do this for a living because I forget I even have a blog most of the time. The real issue is also pictures. I take junky pics of my knitting, so I hate to show it unless it's actually a nice photo.

Also, life has had a way of falling apart this year. I feel like my Grandma sometimes because I think, "If it's not one thing, it's another!" My job is weird right now, and boy's job is up in the air most of the time since he went to contract work. We are learning to cope with being less than secure in our futures. We're learning to roll with the punches you might say. We've also had lots of changes in our personal lives as friends move away, drift away, or enter into our lives.

Along with these changes come changes in the lives of our friends as well. At least 2 people I know are expecting little strangers. Since I'm all about crafty, you know I couldn't let that news just fall on idle hands. I only know the gender of the first baby, so I went about flicking through the WHOLE web looking for cute baby knits/projects. I made a gazillion of them too. I have a whole little basket of handmade and semi handmade gifts for her and bebe boy. If this baby turns out to be a girl, I will have a stroke.

First up: Bibs from old t-shirts- all of these came from the Goodwill here. I got the tutorial off of pinterest.com. That site is like Crack!

I cranked those out after a day spent sewing with a new friend. I used flannel for the backs of all but the button-up one. So cute and easy!

Next: Lion toy that didn't turn out as planned. This toy is on my remake list, but the first one is now a ferret toy. It was ok, but I thought the pattern was more of an oblong shape. It was NOT. I should have googled up the pattern and just downloaded it. Another find through pinterest. I followed a tutorial from Lil Blue Boo for how to make it, but I looked at a blog for the inspiration.

Breaking News: In the middle of this blog post, guess what boy ims to tell me? The friend I made all this for, yeah- she's having a ....


you guessed it!



girl!



DANGIT!


Takes the wind out of your sails to find something like that out the day after you have all of the handmade projects completed and beautifully arranged in the gift basket.

To finish this blogfail:

A semi-handmade onesie-

And a handknit monster that will have to get a bow and a skirt:

I also knit a pebble vest and crocheted up a little cardigan. I guess it's back to the drawing board. The only positive thing here: a coworker is preggers too. She had better have a little dude! Otherwise, I have a lot of random baby stuff made for a boy I don't even know. :D

See what I mean by rolling with the punches?